9 Years.

Today is our 9th Wedding Anniversary. Together for 11 years, married for 9. So many tears and tantrums along the way but so many happy times and tears from laughter too!!
I even got a present from my baby this morning. He crapped his pants. Literally!! It was THAT bad that it went through his nappy, singlet, onsie and pants! I hadnt even been able to have a coffee yet. It wasnt good. My 6year old went to School with me 'dropping and running' this morning with no tears. WITH.NO.TEARS! Made me feel so proud! I dont like tears. Especially from him. He is sensitive like me. Like really sensitive. I love that kid!! 
Today I find myself wondering does my Husband know how much he means to me? Like REALLY know... I wonder some days. He is the air I breathe, the reason I get out of bed in the morning. I rely so much on him and I think that scares him. The kind of love that if I cant have you, no one else can!! {not in a bad way, Im not going to 'go all crazy lady on his ass'}. I need him! He is not just my Husband but he is my soulmate, my rescuer, my 'bring me back to earth' person, he is my bestest friend in the whole entire world!! And as my 4year old would say - "I love him as big as the whole world of concrete!!" If only I knew what that meant! Funny kid that 4yr old!! On bad days he really gives me the irrates when I want to be alone and not talk to anyone, he makes me talk to him. I dont think he realises he does this but when he just does.not.shut.up... It makes me talk to him!! It irritates me to no end!! But then I hug him and thank him because he is just what I need! I remember he doesnt actually irritate me, he reminds me of the person I want to be. Of the Mum I want to be. He teaches me so very much every single day and if there would be more people like him in this world, the world would be good! He will say things like "I could knowed" when he means I couldnt have known. "I take my eye on you Mum!" when he means he is staring at me and watching my every move from getting out of the car to go back in the house to get something that I had forgotten, the whole time - he watched me!! He will tell complete strangers at checkouts that he farts! He has this humor about him that even he doesnt understand. He pulls faces when he talks, he emphasises most words when talking because to him everything is exciting and he cant tell me quick enough about the thing I have only just seen myself. I like that kind of play by play running commentary he gives me every single day! He is the first to climb onto my lap for a snuggle and he is the first to always say how much he loves me!! I know for a fact he loves me as big as the world of concrete, as big as a huge dragon, to the moon and the stars and back, as big as Trisha the elephant. To be loved that much by a 4 year old just melts my heart! I love him that much and to infinity & beyond too!!
Its my 9th Wedding Anniversary today and while I want to spend the day and night celebrating with my Husband, I find myself wanting to share it with our three Sons also. I dont ever want to do anything without them. I find myself torn by whats right. I know whats right. I have to make sure my relationship with my Husband remains as strong as it once was. In the last few years its struggled. Possible separation was mentioned a few times when we lived up north. Things didnt get much better, havent gotten much better since we moved back. It will be better. We are working on it every single day! We will fight!
Tonight he is surprising me with taking me out somewhere, most likely for food. Everything is always about food. We havent properly celebrated an Anniversary for many years so this will be just what we both need. Some much needed time alone, no argueing or fighting from the kids, no flustered parents trying to enjoy a night out. We will have a good night out. Without the kids.

Life isnt a walk in the park at the moment. Im not sure it ever is. Today, whilst like any other day filled with housework, attempting to dodge the rain at School drop off & pick up times and looking after my children, it will be a good day!! Something to look forward to always makes the day that bit brighter and easier to get through!

Happy Anniversary my love!! I love you as big as Trisha the elephant!!! Cheers to the next 9 years and beyond!!! xxxxxxxxx